Honor Your Father and Mother
Lord's Day, September 1, 2024, Connect Church Silicon Valley (with
Chinese translation)
Exodus 20:12 (NIV)
“Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you."
As I was reflecting about this commandment during my preparation, I started to realize that this might be the most challenging out of the Ten Commandments to preach on. And it’s not because it’s the hardest to understand or even the hardest to perform. It’s because it’s the only commandment that relates to the family.
And the family is simultaneously the most universal human experience, while also being the most diverse and personal. It is universal in the sense that every human has or has had a family. And it is both diverse and personal in the sense that one’s family history could be one person’s deepest source of personal formation and joy, while at the same time being another person’s deepest source of trauma and brokenness. Therefore, it feels almost impossible to preach on this commandment to almost 200 people with 200 completely unique family backgrounds. But we’ll try our best.
Today, we’ll take a look at three things. 1) The commandment’s application, 2) the commandment’s relationship to culture, and 3) the commandment’s redemption. We’ll start shallow, and then dig deeper and deeper into the heart of this commandment, and the goal is to come out of the other side with some hopeful insights about what this commandment means in the grand scheme of things.
1. The commandment’s application
There are three essential aspects to how we are to fulfill this commandment. The first is respect, the second is obedience, and the third is care.
Let’s first talk about respect. We need to respect our parents because they are not only our biological fathers and mothers. They are people that God has placed in our lives to guide us. Therefore, they need to be honored for the role that they have in our lives.
Now what’s quite important is that this honor that we show them is not dependent on how good they are as parents or how well they treated us. The command to honor our parents is not reciprocal but unconditional. That can be an enormous challenge. Certainly some are better than others, but none of them perfectly fulfill their role. And yet God commands us to honor them unconditionally. We need to speak to them with respect, even when they frustrate us. Our heated emotions are never an excuse to use careless language. Even when they speak to us with anger, we need to respond with patience and respect for them. Furthermore, we need to speak about our parents around others in a way that is respectful. These are all components of what it means to respect our parents.
The second aspect is obedience.
Here, I’d like to speak directly to the youth that are here. The reason why is that obedience is an important part of respecting our parents, but the degree of obedience depends on our parents’ level of authority in our life, and that authority is greatest when we are children. The idea of authority may sound unusual or even unacceptable to you. In our culture, we have a tendency to reject authority if it’s not helpful to us. But God tells us we need to respect and even submit to the authorities over our life.
For example, in Romans 13, Paul tells us that we need to submit to our governments, because they have been instituted by God, no matter how evil they may be. In Ephesians 6, Paul tells slaves to obey their masters. In Ephesians 5, Paul tells wives to submit to their husbands. And finally, in Ephesians 6:1, Paul commands children to obey their parents in the Lord, citing the fifth commandment. He writes,
"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 'Honor your father and mother'—which is the first commandment with a promise—'so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth'" (Eph 6:1-3).
“In the Lord” means that we should only obey if it does not contradict the will of God, because God comes before our parents. However, in the things that God allows, we need to obey our parents even if it means doing things that we don’t want to do. We may disagree, and there are ways to express that without dishonoring our parents. But if our parents don’t change their mind, then we need to simply obey them. That’s a big challenge, but it is the will of God.
Here’s another thing for the youth. In our youth groups, we have been talking a lot about the gospel. Now, the gospel, that Jesus died to save sinners, can only be understood if you know how sinful you really are. And I know that many of you haven’t really understood that about yourselves yet. Maybe you think that sin isn’t such a big deal.
So my challenge to you here today is to apply this commandment to yourself. “Honor your father and mother.” “Children, obey your parents in the Lord.” This is not God’s suggestion for you. It is his law. And he is perfectly allowed to judge you against how well you have obeyed this commandment. I challenge you to try for one week, even for a day, to fulfill this commandment perfectly. Obey your parents perfectly, even in the very tiniest things they tell you. And when you obey them, make sure you’re obeying with a cheerful heart. Don’t talk back, and don’t even grumble in your heart. See how long you can be perfect. I’d be surprised if you could even last the ride home from church. What I think you’ll discover is that there is some part of you, deep inside, that simply cannot help but refuse to obey your parents. Even if you tried, you could not compel that part of yourself to be good. And the reason why you disobey is not because you’re careless or because you’re independent. It’s because you’re a sinner desperately in need of the mercy of God. And when you realize this about yourself, I pray that you will see just how much you need somebody like Jesus to take your place. The way to receive the forgiveness that you need is by repenting of your sin and trusting in what he did on the cross to save you from sin.
The third and final aspect of fulfilling this commandment is caring for them in their old age. In an American church, this might be an unusual thing to say, but I’m sure that in a Chinese church, this is a no-brainer. Caring for our parents is simply a way of fulfilling the golden rule. We should treat our parents in the way that we would like to be treated by our children. And that means caring for them when they are old and cannot take care of themselves.
Before moving onto the next part, I want to make two last comments.
The first is that, if we look carefully, this is the only one out of the ten commandments that comes with a promise attached. The Israelites were to honor their parents so that they might live long in the land God was giving them. Now, part of this doesn’t apply to us anymore. This commandment was given to the Israelites just before they were supposed to enter the Promised Land, and obeying this commandment was supposed to ensure that they would be able to remain within the Promised Land forever. Obviously, the Israelites were not able to keep this commandment or any of the other commandments, so they were eventually exiled from the land. So in that sense, the promise doesn’t apply to us anymore. But in a broader sense, it certainly does.
Honoring our parents and preserving our family ties has many tangible benefits. It means we’ll always have people to support us. It also means that we’ll be able to carry on generational legacies of wisdom. So, obeying this commandment is not only a way to obey God, but it is also a way to bring blessings into our life.
The second comment I want to make is that this commandment is situated at a very unique spot within the list of the Ten Commandments. The Ten Commandments are commonly split into two tables. The first four deal with how we relate to God. The last six deal with how we relate to others. And this commandment is really located at the perfect transitional spot. You see, there are no people on earth that better mirror the relationship we have with God than our parents. Our parents are authorities over our life, even if they are imperfect ones, just as God is our supreme authority. Our parents are like our first introduction in life to how we ought to relate to God. Therefore, the way we relate to our parents will significantly influence the way that we relate to God.
2. The commandment’s relationship to culture
Originally, this part was meant to be very short, but I ended up finding it so interesting that I just had to make it an independent section.
The reason why we need to talk about culture here is that this fifth commandment is undeniably the most culturally loaded in our context. The command to honor our parents overlaps significantly with the Confucian understanding of filial piety. We need to have a clear picture of how our culture affects our reading of this commandment.
We can think of culture as a set of values or practices that guide our way of life. Everybody has a culture. But what’s very interesting is that culture is usually invisible to us. It’s like a pair of sunglasses. It tints everything that we think or do, and yet we usually aren’t aware that it’s there. So what’s very dangerous, as a Christian, is to read our own culture into Scripture, rather than allowing Scripture to speak for itself. And in the case of this specific commandment, it’s very dangerous to read the phrase “Honor your father and mother” and come away with the Chinese understanding of it, rather than the Christian understanding.
Let’s take a step back for a moment. Christianity itself is not a culture. It is something that transcends culture. So when a person in a specific culture becomes a Christian, many things will remain the same, because they are morally neutral from a Christian standpoint. These include food, dress, holidays, and many other customs. Some aspects of culture are morally negative and need to be abandoned. Finally, some aspects of culture are morally positive, and yet they need a certain kind of transformation before becoming truly Christian virtues. The Chinese emphasis on honoring parents is one such example.
In modern Western culture, respect and honor for parents is generally unimportant. We see this as Western families become more and more fractured. Parents are expected to respect the choices and independence of their children. Children are trained to see parents as sources of affection and provision, rather than authority figures with wisdom. Parents are expected to save in order to provide for their own support in old age. From a Christian perspective, Chinese culture does well to emphasize honor and respect for parents. But actually, in its own way, it falls short of God’s will for the family.
Western culture falls short, because it says that we are supposed to honor ourselves above our parents. Chinese culture does well to affirm that we are supposed to honor our parents above ourselves, but it falls short because it neglects the fact that there is something to honor even above our parents, which is God. What I’d like to convince you of is that each culture leads to its own type of brokenness. The Western devaluing of parents leads to an absence of permanent and stable family relationships. It generates a greater sense of loneliness and personal disconnection. But the Chinese overemphasis on honoring parents leads to a perpetual sense of inadequacy and inferiority. It makes people feel unable to escape the expectations of parents. When honoring our parents is the most important thing in life, this commandment that was meant to bring us blessings can actually crush us.
In order to understand the Christian response to this problem, I think it’s helpful to turn to a related idea that Augustine formulated. Augustine was a fourth century theologian, and he had a very famous concept called “disordered loves.” His idea was that disordered love was the root of all sin and brokenness. Some Christians thought that any form of worldly desire was sin. Now Augustine disagreed. He said that desire itself was good, but we sin when we desire a lesser thing over a greater thing. For example, loving to play golf is good, and loving your wife is also good. But if you love to play golf more than you love your wife, your marriage is probably going to fail. Loving your job is good, and so is loving your kids. But if you love your job more than your kids, your kids will grow up to resent you. So there is a way in which we ought to order our loves so that we can have a flourishing life. And Augustine said that if God isn’t our greatest love, then we’ll be filled with sin and brokenness, because God is the highest order of good.
And it’s very easy to see how this same idea applies to how we ought to honor our parents. Just as disordered love will bring brokenness into our life, so will disordered honor. It is important to honor ourselves and also to honor our parents, but they must be honored in the correct order. That’s where Western culture fails. If we honor ourselves over our parents, we’ll grow up without knowing how to submit to our authorities. We’ll be very foolish people without our parents’ wisdom. But in the same way, God and parents must be also honored in the correct order. That’s where Eastern culture fails. If we make honoring our parents ultimate in our life, then we’ll always be enslaved by their expectations. If we measure ourselves by how well we please our parents, then we’ll constantly feel the shame of not being enough. Even after they’re long gone, we’ll still feel their presence over our shoulders. It’s just impossible to live like this.
Now what Jesus does is he totally flips things around. On the one hand, he affirms the importance of honoring our parents. But on the other hand, he says things such as this.
"For I have come to turn ‘a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law—a man’s enemies will be the members of his own household.’ Anyone who loves their father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves their son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me" (Matt 10:35-37).
Now, we have to understand that Jesus is speaking to a culture that is very Eastern. People were literally defined by their family. The most important thing in life was bringing honor to your parents. And Jesus is saying that he’s come to change things up. He says that you can’t be my disciple unless you decide to honor me above honoring your family. You’re literally not worthy of me unless you love me above everything else.
Now this sounds like a very unreasonable demand. Why isn’t he just satisfied with us honoring him in a normal way? Why does he go so far as to demand the supreme place of importance in our life? Does Jesus simply want to make sure that we’re unhappy by asking us to sacrifice everything? Quite the opposite, actually. He says,
“Whoever finds their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for my sake will find it” (Matt 10:39).
What he’s saying is that following him is sacrificing all of what’s important in our life. So much so, that it’s literally a form of death. But it’s a death that is meant to bring us a better life on the other side. And he’s saying that if honoring our parents is the most important thing in our life, we’ll never have real life. The way to have a life filled with blessing and personal flourishing is by losing our life, which means honoring him above honoring our parents.
This actually makes a lot of sense when you think about it carefully. You see, the Western solution to escape the oppressiveness of pleasing our parents is by simply prioritizing our own interests above theirs. And this actually only gives a very temporary freedom. You’re freed from your parents, but at what cost? You’ll be more lonely without their support. You’ll make more mistakes without access to their generational wisdom and knowledge. So Jesus says that honoring our parents is still important for all those reasons. But he says that the way to escape the oppressiveness of pleasing our parents is not by escaping our parents. It’s by honoring God above honoring our parents. And so, we’ll continue to respect and obey our parents, so we won’t run into the common problems of Western culture. But we also won’t face the constant shame that pervades Eastern culture, because our identity is no longer tied to our parents’ assessment of us. Instead, we decide to see ourselves in the way that God sees us. And God sees us as deeply flawed people who have been made perfect by the blood of his Son Jesus Christ. And instead of living for what our parents want for us, which is frequently very misguided, we become disciples of the Lord Jesus, who provides us with a way of living that actually brings us happiness and fulfillment.
When God reigns supreme in our life, we see parents for what they truly are: necessary but fallible guides that God has placed in our life to help us follow after him. The oppressiveness of trying to live for our parents is broken down by living for God instead.
Overall, this is just one example of how our culture needs to transform when we become followers of Jesus. Our culture affects everything. It affects the way we speak to others, the way we experience emotion, the way we determine what’s important in life, and the way we organize socially.
Our culture affects everything, but so should our faith. We need to be constantly doing these kinds of mental exercises to examine where our own culture falls short of the way of Christ. And what’s actually very helpful is we live in an ideal environment where two cultures intersect. Normally, our culture is so invisible to us that we develop cultural blindspots. But when two cultures collide, these blindspots become visible. A great strategy to be a more faithful follower of Jesus is by having the humility to interact with other cultures. That can frequently shine light on how our own culture prevents us from practicing the will of God.
3. The commandment’s redemption
One of the most famous novels of all time is Anna Karenina, written by Leo Tolstoy. And Tolstoy begins the novel with this equally famous first line: “Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.”
Every family has its own unique problems, and there would not be enough time in the world to adequately address each of them. First of all, nothing reveals our deepest faults quite like our families do. For better or for worse, we are most true to our real nature when we are with our families. The family is where our sinfulness shines the brightest. The family is where illusions about ourselves go to die.
That’s why this commandment sometimes seems like the most hopeless out of all of God’s laws. We are all very skilled at being Christ-like in public. But Christ-likeness in the family is just different. No child really honors their parents. And no parent is really worthy of receiving honor from their child.
Not only are we often incapable of experiencing spiritual transformation in our family life, but many of us also come from very broken family backgrounds.
First of all, a broken family can make it feel almost hopeless to fulfill this commandment. Some of us read this commandment and see no problem with it. Others of us read this commandment, and all kinds of doubts or questions or traumas just fill our mind. Why should I honor somebody that has only hurt me? Why should I respect somebody that I would rather have nothing to do with?
Second, a family can pass down sin and failure from generation to generation, leaving us to feel like the family is simply irredeemable. I have a lot of friends, both now and in the past, who just come from very broken families. Some had absent fathers, others had particularly cruel mothers. It was very heartbreaking to think about their stories when I was reflecting about this commandment to honor our parents. But I noticed that all of them had a kind of hope and determination to do better when they themselves became parents. I used to think that this was very commendable. But it’s actually a very dangerous hope.
It’s tempting to feel like we have the strength to transcend the brokenness of our past. But it doesn’t take long to realize how mistaken we are. In high school, one of my close friends had a father who had left his family when he was around 10 years old. Now my friend’s older brother later became a pastor, and he once wrote a very thoughtful article reflecting about his father’s actions. The title was “Like Father, Like Son.” In the article, he starts by reflecting about a funeral he recently performed for his father’s mom. He discusses how his reflection made him realize that his father’s absence was really because his father didn’t have a father either. The sin had been passed down from generation to generation. And he realized that while he had once felt anger and bitterness over his father’s betrayal, he now felt this intense fear of inevitability that he would one day be the same.
Every single one of us is committed to being better than our parents and not following their mistakes. But all it takes is a single moment of carelessness to shatter the illusion and reveal that we are not as different as we thought. The redemption of the family cannot come from ourselves.
Why, then, would God create the family? Why would he give us this messy group of people that we cannot even choose? Why does he give us this thing that seems to only pass down misery and brokenness from generation to generation?
When the disciples asked Jesus to teach them how to pray, Jesus told them to begin with the word, “Father.” This was a very new idea, because God was almost never called Father in the Old Testament. It’s pretty much only in the New Testament that God is called Father. So some people will basically explain this by saying that because of our salvation through Jesus Christ, we can now relate to God in the same loving way that a child relates to a father. And they’ll say that now God loves us in the same way that a father loves his child, only better.
And these people are simply wrong. And you have to come from a certain kind of family background to really see why. Because people from particularly broken families will object to this. They’ll say, “If God is comparing himself to a father, why would I ever want to know him? I hate my father. I don’t want a father. I don’t even know what a father is. Why would I ever want to address God as Father?” And these people are totally correct. Because if God is simply a newer and better version of a human father, that is barely any hope at all. If God’s way of redeeming the family is simply by creating a new and better version of the human family, we are of all people most to be pitied.
So then why does God tell us to call him Father? Where does the redemption of the family come from?
Our mistake is in thinking that God is comparing himself to human fathers. That could not be further from the truth. God’s plan to redeem the family does not begin with the human family. His plan to redeem the family is not by creating a new family. His plan to redeem the family is by inviting us to enter the eternal family. Because God is not like a father, God was Father before there was any father to walk this earth. God is not comparing himself to human fathers. God is Father, and human fathers are only fathers insofar as they are like him. The family of the triune God is the redemption of the human family.
It is in the triune God that we have hope for family. Our hope for family is not in something new; it is in something very, very old. It is found within the life of God himself: Father, Son, and Spirit. C. S. Lewis wrote that “God is not a static thing -- not even a person -- but a dynamic, pulsating activity, a life, . . . [or even] a kind of dance.” We might even take a step beyond Lewis and go as far as to say that God himself is a family. The God-family is like an eternal fountain of love, with Father, Son, and Spirit pouring love into each other and giving themselves into one another since before even time began. This is what allows Jesus to say,
“The Father is in me, and I am in the Father” (John 10:38).
They do not withhold any portion of themselves from one another. Their life together is one of perfect love and union and understanding. And what Christ has done for us on the cross is to open a way into this divine family. The veil is torn, the gate is thrown open, and the Father comes running to meet us and call us his child. This is the redemption of the family. This is the family we always hoped for but never received! Jesus has extended a hand for us to experience love like never before, not only to have love poured into us without measure but also to have love poured out of us without measure. Christ bids us to experience the sonship that he alone possessed. The Father calls us, the Son tears down the dividing wall, and the Spirit exclaims within us and cries out, “Abba! Father!”
Jonathan Edwards wrote, “There in heaven this fountain of love is set open, this eternal three in one. There in heaven this glorious God is manifested and shines forth in full glory with beams of love; there in heaven the fountain overflows in streams and rivers of love and delight, enough for all to drink at, and to swim in, yea, so as to overflow the world as it were with a deluge of love.” In that eternal moment, there will be no more tears, no more bickering, no more anger, no more heartache -- only a distant memory of a past life, as we rest in the arms of the Father like lost orphans under his wings, we who were once strangers and sojourners, yet now purchased by the blood of Jesus to be not slaves but children. And it is as this new kind of child that we will honor our true Father in heaven forever.
中文翻译
当我在思考预备这篇讲道时，我开始意识到，这条诫命可能是十诫中最难讲的。
并不是因为它最难理解，或是最难执行。
而是因为它是唯一与家庭有关的诫命。
家庭是人类最普遍的经历，同时也是最多样化和个人化的经历。
它是普遍的，因为每个人都有或曾经有过一个家庭。
它既多样化又个人化。家庭可能是一个人个人成长和快乐最深的源泉，也可能是另一个人最深的创伤和破碎之源。
因此，向近 200 个有着完全不同家庭背景的人讲这条诫命几乎是不可能的。
今天我们尽力而为。
今天，我们将从三个方面来探讨这条诫命。
1）诫命的应用，
2）诫命与文化的关系，
3）诫命的救赎。
我们将从浅显的开始，然后逐渐深入，挖掘这条诫命的核心，目标是了解神通过这条诫命给我们带来的盼望和启示。
1.”孝敬父母“这条诫命的应用
我们可以从三个方面来履行这条诫命。
第一是尊重父母，
第二是服从父母，
第三是关心父母。
首先，我们来谈谈尊重。
我们需要尊重父母，因为他们不仅给了我们生命，
也是上帝安排在我们生命中来指导我们的人。
因此，我们需要尊重父母在我们生命中所扮演的角色。
非常重要的是，我们尊重父母并不是因为他们是多么出色的父母，也不是因为他们多么善待我们。
我们尊重父母不是报答父母的养育之恩，而必须是无条件的尊重。
这可能是一个巨大的挑战。
当然，我们当中的一些人可能比其他人做的更好，但没有一个人能完美地履行自己做父母职责。
但是上帝命令我们无条件地尊重父母。
我们跟父母讲话的时候要尊重他们，哪怕有时候父母会让我们感到沮丧。
即使在我们情绪激动的时候，也不能出言不逊。
即使父母带着愤怒对我们说话，我们也需要带着耐心和尊重回应他们。
此外，我们在别人面前谈论自己父母的时候也必须是恭敬的。
这些都是我们尊重父母需要注意的地方。
履行“孝敬父母”这条诫命的第二个方面是服从父母。
在这里，我想对在座的青少年说：
顺服是尊重父母的重要组成部分，但顺服的程度取决于父母在我们生活中的权威程度。
当我们还是孩子时，这种权威是最大的。
我们可能不习惯来自父母的权威，甚至可能无法接受。
在我们的文化中，如果权威不能给我们带来益处，我们倾向于拒绝它。
但是上帝告诉我们，我们必须尊重和服从我们生活中的权威。
例如，在罗马书 13 章中，保罗告诉我们，我们需要服从我们的政府，因为它们是上帝设立的，无论它们多么邪恶。
在以弗所书 6 章中，保罗告诉奴仆要服从主人。
在以弗所书 5 章中，保罗告诉妻子要服从丈夫。
最后，在以弗所书 6:1 中，保罗引用了第五条诫命，命令孩子们在主里听从父母。
他写道，
你们做儿女的，要在主里听从父母，这是理所当然的。
“要孝敬父母，使你得福，在世长寿。”这是第一条带应许的诫命。
“在主里”意味着我们是在不违背上帝旨意的情况下顺服父母，因为我们的神比我们的父母大。
然而，在上帝允许的事情上，我们需要服从父母，即使是我们不想做的事情。
当我们和父母意见不一样的时候，可以寻求办法，在不让父母蒙羞的前提下表达我们的不同意见。
如果我们的父母不改变主意，那么我们还是需要服从他们。
这是一个巨大的挑战，但这是上帝的旨意。
还有一件事要提醒在座的青少年。
在青少年团契，我们一直在讨论福音。
只有当你看清自己身上的罪时，才能真正理解福音，也就是神之耶稣为救罪人心甘情愿被钉十字架。
我知道你们中的许多人还没有真正地了解自己的罪。
或许你认为罪不是什么大事。
所以今天我挑战你们，把这条诫命应用到自己身上。
“孝敬父母。”
你们做儿女的，要在主里听从父母。
这不是神对做儿女的一条建议。
这是神的律法。
神完全可以根据你遵守这条诫命的程度来评判你。
我挑战你用一周的时间，甚至一天的时间，来尝试完美地履行这条诫命。
完全地顺服你的父母，哪怕是在最小的事情上。
当你服从他们时，要确保你是带着一颗愉快的心去服从的。
不要顶嘴，也不要在心里有任何抱怨。
看看你能坚持多久。
可能还没有到家，你就坚持不住了。
你会发现，你内心深处的某个部分就是忍不住，要拒绝服从父母。
即使你再努力尝试，你也无法强迫自己完全地顺服。
你不能完全服从父母的原因不是因为你不在乎，也不是因为你很独立。
而是因为你是一个罪人，迫切需要上帝的怜悯。
当你意识到自己的光景时，就会明白你多么需要耶稣的帮助。
你只有悔改认罪，相信耶稣在十字架上成就的救恩，才能获得神的赦免。
履行这条诫命的第三个方面是照顾父母年老时的生活。
俗话说，己所不欲勿施于人。
我们当然也希望我们的孩子也像我们孝敬我们的父母一样，在我们年老的时候孝敬我们。
在进入下一部分之前，我想再说两点。
如果我们仔细读圣经，就会发现孝敬父母是十诫中唯一一条带有应许的诫命。
以色列人要孝敬父母，这样他们才能在上帝赐给他们的土地上得以长久。
孝敬父母和维护家庭关系有很多切实的好处。
比如来自家庭的支持。
在家族里传承的智慧。
所以，遵守这条诫命不仅是顺服上帝的一种方式，也是给我们的生活带来祝福的一种方式。
我要说的第二点是，这条诫命在十诫中处于一个非常独特的位置。
十诫通常被分为两部分。
前四条是关于我们如何与上帝相处。
后六条是关于我们如何与他人相处。
这条诫命处在一个完美的过渡点。
没有比我们的父母更能反映出我们与上帝的关系。
父母是我们生活里的权威，虽然他们不完美。
我们的父母让我们认识应该如何与上帝相处。
因此，我们与父母相处的方式将极大地影响我们与上帝的相处方式。
今天讲道的第二部分是：：”孝敬父母“这条诫命与文化的关系
这部分的内容本来打算很快带过，但是我发现它其实非常有趣，所以我决定将其作为一个独立的部分。
我们之所以需要在这里谈论文化，是因为这条诫命无疑是最具文化内涵的。
孝敬父母这条诫命与儒家对孝道的理解有很多类似。
我们需要清楚地了解，我们的华人文化如何影响我们对这条诫命的解读。
文化是指导我们生活方式的一套价值观或实践。
每个人都有自己的文化背景。
非常有趣的是，文化通常是我们看不见，摸不着的。
它就像一副墨镜。
给我们的所思所想蒙上了色彩，但我们通常意识不到它的存在。
因此，作为一名基督徒，如果我们将自己的文化解读成神的话，而不是让圣经自己说话，将会是非常的危险。
就这条诫命而言，当我们读到“当孝敬父母”这条诫命，就把它等同于儒家文化中的孝道，是非常危险的。
让我们退一步思考一下。
基督教本身不是一种文化。
它是超越文化的东西。
因此，当特定文化中的人成为基督徒时，许多事情将保持不变，因为从基督教的角度来看，它们在道德上是中立的。
比如饮食、服饰、节日和许多其他习俗。
传统文化中消极的部分需要被抛弃。
而积极的部分需要某种转变，才能成为真正的基督教美德。
华人文化中强调孝敬父母就是一个例子。
现代的西方文化不太看重 尊重和孝敬父母。
我们看到越来越多的西方家庭变得支离破碎。
西方社会期待父母尊重子女的选择和他们的独立性。
孩子们从小就被教育成 把父母视为爱和物质供给的来源，而不是具有智慧的权威人物。
西方社会鼓励父母从年轻时就开始存养老金，以便在年老时养活自己。
从基督教的角度来看，华人文化在孝敬父母方面似乎做得很好。
但事实上，也没有能达到上帝的心意。
西方文化说，我们应该尊重自己而不是父母，这当然是不符合圣经的。
华人文化虽然很好地肯定了我们应该尊重父母而不是自己，但是忽略了在父母之上还有值得我们尊重的东西，那就是上帝。
每种文化都有它自己的缺陷。
西方文化对父母地位的贬低，导致了家庭关系的不稳定。
给个体带来了更大的孤独感和疏离感。
但华人过分强调孝敬父母，导致了一种长久的不足感和自卑感。
让人们感到无法摆脱父母的期望。
当孝敬父母成为人生最重要的事情时，这条本应给我们带来祝福的诫命会压垮我们。
为了理解基督教对这个问题的解读，我认为有必要了解一下奥古斯丁提出的相关观点。
奥古斯丁是一位四世纪的神学家，他有一个非常著名的概念，叫做“错位的爱”。
他认为错位的爱是一切罪和破碎的根源。
有些基督徒认为，任何形式的来自世俗的渴望都是罪。
奥古斯丁不同意。
他说渴望本身是好的，但如果我们排错了序，就会犯罪。
例如，爱打高尔夫球是好的，爱你的妻子也是好的。
但如果你爱打高尔夫球胜过爱妻子，你的婚姻很可能会失败。
爱你的工作是好的，爱你的孩子也是好的。
但如果你爱工作胜过爱孩子，你的孩子长大后就会怨恨你。
所以，只有将我们的所爱排对次序，才能过上得胜的生活。
奥古斯丁说，如果我们不把爱上帝排在首位，那么我们的人生就会充满破碎，因为神是最美善的。
在孝敬父母这件事上也是一样。
正如错位的爱会给我们的生活带来破碎，错位的荣耀也同样如此。
尊重自己和尊重父母都很重要，但我们必须排好先后次序。
这就是西方文化的失败之处。
如果我们尊重自己胜过尊重父母，我们长大后就不知道如何服从权威。
没有父母的智慧，我们会变得愚蠢。
同样的，我们必须排好上帝和父母的先后次序。
这是东方文化的失败之处。
如果我们把孝敬父母作为我们人生的终极目标，那么我们将永远被父母的期望所压制。
如果我们用取悦父母的程度来衡量自己，那么我们就会一直觉得自己不够好，而感到羞愧。
可能在父母逝去之后，仍然感到这种压力的存在。
太令人绝望了。
然而，耶稣完全颠覆了这些文化上的缺陷。
一方面，他肯定了孝敬父母的重要性。
但另一方面，他说了这样的话：
因为我来是叫人与父亲生疏，女儿与母亲生疏，媳妇与婆婆生疏；
人的仇敌就是自己家里的人。
爱父母过于爱我的，不配做我的门徒；爱儿女过于爱我的，不配做我的门徒。
在这里，耶稣是在对一种非常东方的文化讲话。
在那个时代，每个人都是由他们的家庭来定义。
生活中最重要的事情就是孝敬父母。
耶稣说他来是为了改变这种状况。
他说，除非你决定孝敬我胜过孝敬你的家人，否则你就不能成为我的门徒。
除非你爱我胜过一切，否则你根本不配拥有我。
这听起来像是一个非常不合理的要求。
为什么他不满足于我们以正常的方式尊敬他？
为什么他要求我们在生活中把他放在首位？
耶稣要求我们牺牲一切，难道是为了让我们受苦吗？
事实上恰恰相反。
马太福音 10章39节，他说：
得着生命的，将要失丧生命；为我失丧生命的，将要得着生命。
在这里耶稣说的是，跟随他就是放弃我们生命中所有（我们自以为）重要的东西。
甚至可以说是一种死亡。
但这种死亡带给我们更好的人生。
耶稣说，如果孝敬父母是我们生命中最重要的事情，那么我们将永远不会拥有真正的人生。
想要拥有充满祝福的美满人生，我们在孝敬父母之前必须尊主为大。
如果你仔细想想，这其实很有道理。
西方人为了摆脱来自父母的压迫感，简单地将自己的利益置于父母利益之上。
而这只能带来暂时的自由。
你摆脱了来自父母的束缚，但代价是什么？
没有他们的支持，你会更孤独。
如果没有传承父母的智慧和知识，你可能会犯更多的错误。
所以耶稣说，顺服父母仍然很重要。
但是，摆脱来自父母的压力，并不等同与逃离父母。
而是敬仰上帝高过敬仰父母。
我们将继续尊重和服从父母，这样我们就不会遇到西方文化遇到的问题。
但我们将不再带有东方文化中普遍存在的羞辱感，因为我们的身份不再与父母对我们的评价挂钩。
相反，我们要以上帝看待我们的方式来看待自己。
在上帝看来，我们都是有严重缺陷的人，因着耶稣基督的宝血才能变得完美。
我们不再按照父母对我们的期望而活，因为这种期望往往是错误的。而是成为主耶稣的门徒，因为他为我们提供了蒙福的生活方式。
当上帝在我们的生活中占据至高无上的地位时，我们就会真正地看清：父母是上帝放在我们生命中来帮助我们的向导。 这个向导也是会犯错的。
那种为父母而活的压迫感，将被为上帝而活所取代。
这个例子说明了，在我们成为耶稣的门徒时，我们的传统文化需要做一些转变。
文化对我们的影响是巨大的。
它影响我们与人交谈的方式、体验情感的方式、决定生活中的优先次序，以及我们社交的方式。
如果传统文化对我们的生活有如此大的影响力，但我们的信仰也应该如此。
我们需要常常审视自己的文化在哪些方面没有达到神的要求。
事实上，我们幸运地处在东西方二种文化相互交融的环境中。
通常来说，我们的文化对我们来说是如此习以为常，以至于形成了盲点。
但当两种文化发生碰撞时，这些盲点就会变得清晰可见。
心存谦卑地与其他文化互动，可以帮助我们更好的成为耶稣的忠实门徒。
这可以帮助我们看见我们文化中的不足，以免妨碍我们实践上帝的旨意。
3. 今天信息的第三部分： “当孝敬父母”这条诫命带来的救赎
俄国著名作家列夫·托尔斯泰在小说《安娜·卡列宁娜》的开头写道：
“幸福的家庭都是相似的，不幸的家庭各有各的不幸。”
每个家庭都有自己独特的问题
首先，没有什么比家庭更能揭露我们深藏的缺点了。
当我们和家人在一起时，我们的本性总是暴露无遗。
在家人面前，我们幻想中完美的自己不复存在。
这就是为什么这条诫命似乎是上帝所有律法中最难达到的。
我们都很擅长在教会扮演模范基督徒。
但回到家里却完全不同。
没有一个孩子真正尊敬他们的父母。
没有一个父母真正值得从孩子那里得到尊敬。
我们不仅无法改变自己，而且许多人也来自破碎的家庭背景。
首先，一个破碎的家庭会让人觉得履行“当孝敬父母”这条诫命毫无可能。
我们中的一些人读了这条诫命，觉得它没什么问题。
我们中的另外一些人读了这条诫命之后，各种疑问或创伤涌上心头。
我为什么要尊重一个伤害我的人？
我为什么要尊重一个我宁愿与之无关的人？
其次，一个破碎的家庭可能会代代相传，让我们觉得无法挽救。
我有很多朋友，无论是现在的还是过去的，都来自非常破碎的家庭。
有的是常年缺席的父亲，有的是特别冷漠的母亲。
当我反思这条孝敬父母的诫命时，想起他们的故事真是令人心碎。
但我注意到，当他们自己成为父母时，他们都抱有一种希望和决心，希望自己做得更好。
我以前觉得这是非常值得称赞的。
但这其实是一个非常危险的希望。
当我们自己开始建立家庭时，我们很容易会觉得我们有力量超越破碎的过去。
但很快就会意识到我们是多么的错误。
高中时，我的一个好友在他10 岁左右时，父亲离弃了家庭。
这位好友的哥哥后来当了牧师，他曾经写过一篇非常深刻的文章，反思他父亲的行为。
标题是《有其父必有其子》。
在文章中，他反思了最近为他祖母举行的葬礼。
他意识到自己父亲的缺席实际上是因为父亲自己也经历了缺席的父亲。
罪代代相传。
他意识到，虽然他曾经对父亲的背叛感到愤怒和痛苦，但现在他感到一种强烈的恐惧，害怕有一天他会变得和自己的父亲一样。
我们每个人都会发誓要比父母做的更好，不重复他们的错误。
但错误的发生往往只需要片刻的疏忽，这就说明我们并没有我们想象中的那么与众不同。
家庭的救赎不能来自我们自己。
那么，上帝为什么要创造家庭呢？
为什么他会让我们与一群无法选择的人成为一家人？
为什么他会允许痛苦和破碎代代相传？
救赎必须来自上帝，但是怎样才能完成呢？
当门徒们请教耶稣，他们该如何祷告时，耶稣告诉他们以“天父”这个词开头。
这是一个全新的想法，因为在旧约中上帝几乎从未被称为父亲。
只有在新约中上帝才被称为父。
所以有这样的解释，因为我们通过耶稣基督得到了救赎，我们可以像孩子对待父亲一样对待上帝。
他们会说，现在上帝爱我们就像父亲爱他的孩子一样，而且爱的更好。
这些人都错了。
你必须是来自某种家庭背景才能真正明白为什么。
因为来自破碎家庭的人会反对这种说法。
他们会说：“如果上帝将自己比作父亲，我为什么还要了解他？
我恨我的父亲。
我不想要父亲。
我甚至不知道父亲是什么。
我为何要称呼上帝为父亲？”
这些人完全正确。
因为如果上帝只是人类父亲的一个更新、更好的版本，那就几乎没有任何希望。
如果上帝拯救家庭的方式只是创造一个新的、更好的人类家庭，我不知道这是否值得期待。
那么为什么上帝让我们称他为父亲呢？
家庭的救赎从何而来？
我们错误地认为，上帝是将自己与人类的父亲相提并论。
这与事实相去甚远。
上帝对家庭的救赎计划不是从人类的家庭开始。
他对家庭的救赎计划不是创造一个新的家庭。
他对家庭的救赎计划是邀请我们加入神永恒的家庭。
因为神就是我们在天上的父亲，在地上出现父亲之前，神已经是天父了。
上帝并不是将自己与人类父亲进行比较。
上帝是天父，人类父亲只有在与神有相似品格时才是父亲。
三位一体的上帝才是人类家庭的救赎。
在三位一体的上帝里面，我们的家庭才有希望。
我们对家庭的渴望由来已久，实在不是一件新事。
它存在于上帝自己的生命中：圣父、圣子和圣灵。
C. S. 路易斯写道：“上帝不是一个静止的存在——甚至不是一个人——而是一种动态的、脉动的活动，一种生命，[甚至]一种舞蹈。”
我们甚至可以超越路易斯，说上帝本身就是一个家。
神就是永恒爱的泉源，圣父、圣子和圣灵亘古以来，就将爱彼此倾注。
正是因为这样，耶稣才说：
“父在我里面，我在父里面。”
他们彼此毫不保留。
三位一体中充满了完美的爱、联结和理解。
而耶稣基督在十字架上为我们所做的，就是打开了通往这个神圣家庭的道路。
幔子裂开，门被打开，天父跑来迎接我们，并称我们为他的孩子。
这就是神对家庭的救赎。
这就是我们一直希望拥有，但从未得到过的家庭！
这不是一个新造的家庭， 而是进入神自己的生活。
耶稣已经邀请我们体验那前所未有的爱，他不仅有无尽的爱倾注到我们心中，而且也命令我们把从神而来的爱传播出去。
基督邀请我们体验只有他才拥有的儿子身份。
圣父呼召我们，
圣子拆毁了隔墙，
圣灵在我们内心呼喊：“阿爸！父啊！”
乔纳森·爱德华兹写道：“在天堂，爱的泉源被打开了，这是永恒的三位一体。
在天堂，尊荣的上帝闪耀着爱的光芒。
在天堂，爱与欢乐涌流成河，一路流淌。
足以让所有人畅饮，畅游，就像爱的洪流淹没了整个世界。”
在永恒的爱里，不再有泪水，不再有争吵，
不再有愤怒，不再有心碎——
只有遥远的记忆，
我们像迷失的孤儿一样躺在天父的怀抱里，在他的翅膀下，
我们曾经是陌生人和寄居者，现在被耶稣的宝血买回，不再是奴仆，而是神的孩子。
重获新生的孩子将永远尊崇我们在天上真正的父亲。阿门！